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Look, I'll cut to the chase. I am here to tell you I am available if you need some help around your house.

My duties of a man-servant include, but are not limited to the following:
- Daily trash removal
- Back rubs
- Daily cleaning of litter boxes
- Sponge baths
- Foot rubs
- Preparation of lights meals and snacks
- Gratuitous compliments about how great you look in your penguin pajamas

In addition, as a man-servant I will be able to handle the following:
- Watching you dance around (without pants on) to show tunes
- Wearing a bedazzled loincloth while performing chores
- Occasional sexual harassment
- The sound of a whip cracking

No salary and/or bonuses are required other than occasionaly compliments from you depending on how special I've made you feel by the end of the day.

If you're interested, please contact me as soon as possible. You'll need to fit me for the loincloth and then bedazzle it by hand before I can start.

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